I think I read too much into things. I spend time analyzing everything in my head while trying to outwardly keep cool.
I'm afraid of too many things. I'm afraid of people not liking me, of people thinking I'm stupid or dishonest or mean or ugly or a loser. I worry that I'll do things wrong, that I won't be there for people the way they need me to be, that I can't hold myself together, that I'm splitting at the seams without realizing that the threads are coming unraveled.
I'm afraid of losing my temper about something stupid. I'm afraid of people being afraid of themselves or feeling about themselves the same way I feel about myself. I'm afraid that I'll fail at whatever I try to do and that I'll wind up stuck in a place that I can't get out of.
I'm usually pretty good at appearing to have it all pulled together but lately I'm too much on edge to take anything that's real.
This whole thing is a response to one tiny thing that could be easily construed as nothing if I didn't care so much about what everyone else thinks about me. Sometimes I hate ambiguity. I think I'm losing it. I want to go home.
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the life, times, rantings, and ridiculously narcissistic thoughts of me.
the life, times, rantings, and ridiculously narcissistic thoughts of me.
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1 comment:
Yep. Except for the last part. The largest obstacle, I think, is overcoming that idea of failing and getting stuck somewhere you can't get out of. Maybe that hole you're imaging is a loss of a dream, or a status quo never to be realized, or some deeper fulfillment never to be found. Or it's something else. But change perspective and let go. The idea of a failure as a success in disguise is simplistic; however, it's always an opportunity for something new.
If you live a life without failure, you'll never know change, and if you never know change, you never know richness. Use the transitive property on that one.
And if you're not one thread from becoming unraveled at every step of your journey (to gladly mix my metaphors), you're doing something wrong.
Believe in that; it's a start.
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