Last night, Malin and I wound up sort of hosting a mini-party in our living room. Jolly good times, hanging out with kids I haven't hung out with in a really long time and one kid I hadn't met before last night. Copious amounts of alcohol were consumed before even leaving the house (if I remember, I'll put up the picture Mal and I took this morning of our trash can and how full it is) but there was a lot of fun conversation. It was so good to be able to just kick it with some familiar faces and have a good time and not stress about whether everyone was going to get along or anything, because we already knew that everyone did. I can't explain it - but there was a nice feeling of camaraderie. Then we went to Dubliner's down on University, where the drinking and good conversation continued. I forgot my ID the first time, so I had to be driven back to my house to get it. Ooops. I think I may have been slightly belligerent to a member of our party who was missing for most of the night, pestering him with phone calls to hurry up and get off work and come join us, but it was fun. I wasn't that impressed with Dubliner's - it's not that great - but the free popcorn is a definite perk.
It wasn't really all that crazy of a night - it was just funny and random and really enjoyable. The summer exploits of Tessa & Malin must continue. I am glad we live together. It's a pretty happy healthy household. Or maybe it just seems unusually so because I'm unusually healthy and happy, who knows.
I had a good morning, too - it's fun having breakfast made for you, and scrambled eggs and toast are always delicious.
This weather is really painful. I'm super glad my dad put in a window air conditioner in my room, otherwise I think everyone residing in my home would pretty much be dead right about now.
I'm sitting in the Oracle office - I haven't been here all summer, really, but it is nice to be in here. I am happy with the idea of this coming year and what this office will produce because I really feel certain that it will be good. There are too many good and wonderful people working here for it not to be a great experience. I'm going to start revising (well, more like updating) the Oracle style guide and familiarizing myself with it, because really, copy needs to improve for the coming year and I know that every time I see a mistake in print I will be kicking myself, so I need to ensure that such things will happen only rarely.
Summer is going by so quickly.
In a week, Ashley will be married. I feel so strange about that! I am excited for her, because it's definitely going to be a whole new adventure for her, but it would scare me to death. The wedding should be fun, though. Krystle flies in on Thursday, so I get her to myself for a day, and I am definitely looking forward to the reception, now that I have someone to go with me :)
how did we grow up so fast?
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
life is kind of sweet.
This week was crazy busy. I was out every night except Wednesday, which means I got very very little sleep but had quite a bit of fun. I was out until bar close on Monday, at 2-4-1s Tuesday, saw the Lawrence Arms Thursday, had dinner and drinks with my roommate and a friend on Friday followed by a couple of parties, and then spent half of Saturday at a show followed by Graham's welcome home party for a bit. Jeepers.
Clearly, I spent absurd amounts of money on alcohol this week. Not that I ever got out of control or anything, not even really close, but when you go out every night for a week, and you're a socially inept person, and you want to feel more comfortable, it helps to have a drink in your hand and going through your system.
I hate being totally broke. I have almost no money, and this wedding that I'm in, which is in less than two weeks, is taking up a lot more of my time, energy, and money than I had originally anticipated. I have to drive to St. Cloud on Wednesday to try on my dress and see if it needs to be altered at all, and get my hair done, and so on and so forth. Not that I'm complaining - I love Ashley and am glad that she asked me to be a part of this day for her, it's just a little draining. Also I do not want to go to the wedding alone. As indicated by my last post, being dateless will likely be equivalent to being a life failure. Plus it would just be really nice to be there with someone and have someone to talk to and dance with, etc. etc.
Which brings me to something else that I am not sure I want to discuss. Let's just say that lately, I've been really happy. Maybe the happiest I've been in years except for the pain of having the two people who know me best in all the world live hours and hours away. Things in my life just seem to be settling into a really good place right now. I'm less judgemental of myself, more satisfied with my life, healthier, and something that I thought wasn't going to happen has started to.
I feel strange that while the world is going to hell in a handbasket I am more personally fulfilled than I have been in ages. I wonder sometimes if I shouldn't feel guiltier about that, but then I think that if the world is so unhappy in so many places, full of so much sadness and weariness and death, then perhaps any joy anywhere in the world is a small sort of miracle and should be treasured as such so long as I am not blissfully ignorant and am still aware of what else is happening in the world and I work to try to make it better. The more I think about doing Americorps for a year after graduation the more I like the idea. It would be good in so many ways, for me personally and hopefully for the people I would be working with. I haven't made up my mind yet, not by a long shot, but I keep considering it.
I love summer. It will be a wrench heading back into the school year this fall, although that will be pretty enjoyable, too, in its own way. I'll just be so much busier with a much fuller schedule. I really like all the freedom and flexibility I have right now. I suppose I had better enjoy it while I can, which is exactly what I intend to do.
Clearly, I spent absurd amounts of money on alcohol this week. Not that I ever got out of control or anything, not even really close, but when you go out every night for a week, and you're a socially inept person, and you want to feel more comfortable, it helps to have a drink in your hand and going through your system.
I hate being totally broke. I have almost no money, and this wedding that I'm in, which is in less than two weeks, is taking up a lot more of my time, energy, and money than I had originally anticipated. I have to drive to St. Cloud on Wednesday to try on my dress and see if it needs to be altered at all, and get my hair done, and so on and so forth. Not that I'm complaining - I love Ashley and am glad that she asked me to be a part of this day for her, it's just a little draining. Also I do not want to go to the wedding alone. As indicated by my last post, being dateless will likely be equivalent to being a life failure. Plus it would just be really nice to be there with someone and have someone to talk to and dance with, etc. etc.
Which brings me to something else that I am not sure I want to discuss. Let's just say that lately, I've been really happy. Maybe the happiest I've been in years except for the pain of having the two people who know me best in all the world live hours and hours away. Things in my life just seem to be settling into a really good place right now. I'm less judgemental of myself, more satisfied with my life, healthier, and something that I thought wasn't going to happen has started to.
I feel strange that while the world is going to hell in a handbasket I am more personally fulfilled than I have been in ages. I wonder sometimes if I shouldn't feel guiltier about that, but then I think that if the world is so unhappy in so many places, full of so much sadness and weariness and death, then perhaps any joy anywhere in the world is a small sort of miracle and should be treasured as such so long as I am not blissfully ignorant and am still aware of what else is happening in the world and I work to try to make it better. The more I think about doing Americorps for a year after graduation the more I like the idea. It would be good in so many ways, for me personally and hopefully for the people I would be working with. I haven't made up my mind yet, not by a long shot, but I keep considering it.
I love summer. It will be a wrench heading back into the school year this fall, although that will be pretty enjoyable, too, in its own way. I'll just be so much busier with a much fuller schedule. I really like all the freedom and flexibility I have right now. I suppose I had better enjoy it while I can, which is exactly what I intend to do.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
thoughts on marriage. and babies. and stuff.
So last night I went to a bachelorette party. It was not your typical bachelorette party. And I did have fun, and it was great to see the bride-to-be (since I haven't seen her in months), but I also had some issues.
Three of the people there were pregnant, a couple were already married or engaged, and some of them seemed to think that I was absolutely crazy for not wanting this life for myself right now. Which led me to begin questioning things - like, is there something wrong with me that I have absolutely NO desire for any of those things yet?
I like to think that I'm a reasonably mature person, capable of great responsibility and caring. But at the same time, the idea of permanently attaching myself to another human being at this point in my life seems not only terrifying but crazy. I feel like I'm still going to be changing and forming myself so much as a person that making that decision would be a very poor decision right now.
Is it enlightened or selfish for me to want to do more? Is it snobbery for me to think, "that's not enough for me right now"? Yes, marriage is something I most definitely want in my life someday, and maybe kids, too. But is it so unusual for me to want adventures first? I want to work and move and travel and go to grad school - and those things can happen in a marriage, I suppose, but what I really want is a life of my own first. I want time to get to know myself and have my own independent life and adventures first. Not that marriage wouldn't be an adventure, I suppose, it would be. But it would mean the end of a lot of other opportunities that I'm really interested in, too.
I think I've just convinced myself that I am clearly doing what's best for me right now. But I hate that LOOK I sometimes get, that look that says I'm either crazy or selfish for being so disinterested in marriage. I'm only 21, for goodness' sake, and I know so many people who are getting married and engaged and having kids, and I cannot imagine myself in that position right now, not at all. Going home and to family holidays is always interesting that way too. The question never fails to arise - "So, are you seeing anyone special right now? How's that going?" etc. etc. Sometimes this question arises before and more frequently than questions about college and academics, and that puzzles me. I moved to St. Paul for school, not to meet a husband. But in small-town Minnesota and a large Catholic-raised extended family, those things often don't seem to be all that important. It's marriage and kids that take first place. And it makes me frustrated. I'd like for people to care and get as excited about my summer research as I am, but they often don't want to hear it. They just want to know if I'm headed in the same life path that so many of my classmates have already begun to follow.
And for the record, I AM seeing someone. But only very casually. And it's not likely to get serious any time soon, and I'm pretty happy about that. So there. Haha.
Well, this was cathartic.
Three of the people there were pregnant, a couple were already married or engaged, and some of them seemed to think that I was absolutely crazy for not wanting this life for myself right now. Which led me to begin questioning things - like, is there something wrong with me that I have absolutely NO desire for any of those things yet?
I like to think that I'm a reasonably mature person, capable of great responsibility and caring. But at the same time, the idea of permanently attaching myself to another human being at this point in my life seems not only terrifying but crazy. I feel like I'm still going to be changing and forming myself so much as a person that making that decision would be a very poor decision right now.
Is it enlightened or selfish for me to want to do more? Is it snobbery for me to think, "that's not enough for me right now"? Yes, marriage is something I most definitely want in my life someday, and maybe kids, too. But is it so unusual for me to want adventures first? I want to work and move and travel and go to grad school - and those things can happen in a marriage, I suppose, but what I really want is a life of my own first. I want time to get to know myself and have my own independent life and adventures first. Not that marriage wouldn't be an adventure, I suppose, it would be. But it would mean the end of a lot of other opportunities that I'm really interested in, too.
I think I've just convinced myself that I am clearly doing what's best for me right now. But I hate that LOOK I sometimes get, that look that says I'm either crazy or selfish for being so disinterested in marriage. I'm only 21, for goodness' sake, and I know so many people who are getting married and engaged and having kids, and I cannot imagine myself in that position right now, not at all. Going home and to family holidays is always interesting that way too. The question never fails to arise - "So, are you seeing anyone special right now? How's that going?" etc. etc. Sometimes this question arises before and more frequently than questions about college and academics, and that puzzles me. I moved to St. Paul for school, not to meet a husband. But in small-town Minnesota and a large Catholic-raised extended family, those things often don't seem to be all that important. It's marriage and kids that take first place. And it makes me frustrated. I'd like for people to care and get as excited about my summer research as I am, but they often don't want to hear it. They just want to know if I'm headed in the same life path that so many of my classmates have already begun to follow.
And for the record, I AM seeing someone. But only very casually. And it's not likely to get serious any time soon, and I'm pretty happy about that. So there. Haha.
Well, this was cathartic.
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