Life as I know it is pretty good right now. I really can't complain. Due to a variety of factors and a combination of circumstances, I am perhaps the happiest I have been in years (except for when I think about Mel moving away, which makes me want to cry so I mostly try not to think about it). I still worry a lot but at least I don't feel like I have to worry so much about myself anymore, because I'm doing really well.
It's summer, and I'm in St. Paul (which is beautiful), while I get paid to read (which is perfect for a supernerd like me), I have amazing friends, I have the time, energy, and money to go out fairly frequently, and I live with two of the loveliest girls I know (or at least I will when Malin gets back from Sweden). And really, there's nothing bad going on. There are problems, but no major crises at this time. I am a lucky, lucky, lucky girl. Knock on wood.
I bought this laptop that I'm typing on last week. It's a far, far cry from the macbook pro that I dream about someday owning, but in the meantime, it's a nice little machine that helps me get research done and enables me to get a lot of work done outside of libraries and off-campus, which I am a huge fan of. We don't have internet at our house, so the ability to pack up my work and take it to various places with me is a huge bonus right now.
I'm going home this weekend. It is still really strange for me to think that I'll never be living in that house again. Packing up my bedroom was such a strange experience last time I was there. I felt as though I was packing up my childhood, tissue-wrapping some of the most fragile parts of my earlier life and throwing less delicate memories into a box in a corner to gather dust until someday, years from now, I blow the dust off the lids to look back at the life I once led. I am a terrible pack rat. I've boxes and boxes of things that I'll never use again, books I know I'll never read ever again, cds that I'm embarassed to admit I own, photos I don't want my friends of today to ever have exposed to them - but I can't bring myself to get rid of any of it. So it will remain, tucked away in my parents' basement, until they move or I pluck up the will to discard the weight of that past.
It will be nice to be home for Father's Day. My dad has had such a rough year; I'm really glad I'll be able to be home to see him. I have a couple of small gifts for him and then my mom and I will be taking him out to brunch on Sunday at the resort I spent the last two summers working at. The brunch there is AMAZING. There are like fifty menu items every week and it's all delicious. Working there is a part of my life I'm glad enough to be through with but happy to be able to look back on. When I called today to make reservations for brunch everyone in the office sounded so truly happy to hear from me, and my manager said she really missed me and wished she had another worker like me this summer. It's nice to hear those kinds of things, to know that the hours and efforts I put in didn't go unnoticed.
I think that's where I'll end this tonight. I'm feeling a hint of wistful nostalgia now, but I am buoyed by the warm goodness of my life right now.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Monday, June 05, 2006
for lack of something better
Not much to report. I've entered into the luxury of a summer without a schedule. I work for a few hours, do some reading, do some cleaning, go out, drive around...now that Tyler's car and I seem to be getting along better, I'm enjoying the freedom offered by a car to explore the cities. Life's pretty good. It's sort of just going placidly along at the moment, but it seems to be at a reasonably contented level.
courtesy of malin:
1. FIRST NAME? tessa
2. WHO WERE YOU NAMED AFTER? no one. i have no idea where my mom came up with it.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? yesterday. for some reason i just start crying sometimes, even when i'm not upset or angry or sad.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? on good days.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? well i don't really have that strong of preferences, but i suppose turkey.
6. KIDS? hopefully someday
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF? i hope so
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? yes
9. Do YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? probably more than i ought
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? ...yes
11. WOULD YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMP? i think i'm too much a wimp
12. What is your favorite cereal? why isn't this question capitalized? and smart start. tasty without being disgustingly unhealthy. also, cinnamon toast crunch is pretty good stuff.
13. YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? i don't usually wear shoes with laces, so no.
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? in what way? physically, i've got nothing. emotionally, well, it's debatable.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? cookies and cream. or cookie dough. or peppermint bon bon.
16. SHOE SIZE? 8/8.5
17. RED OR PINK? pink. usually.
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? oh, so many things. i think a lot of it comes down to my indecision though.
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? malin. and graham.
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? not really
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW? denim capris, white flip flops
22. LAST THING YOU ATE? toast and coffee
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? augustana
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? hmm. cerulean. i always thought it was a cool word. and a good color.
25. FAVORITE SMELL? the smell after it rains and the grass has just been cut.
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? mel
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? do they make me laugh?
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? nope. i looove her.
29. FAVORITE DRINK? it changes seasonally. currently, lemonade and vodka sour (which is, essentially, lemonade for grown-ups)
30. FAVORITE SPORTS? uhhh...i'm not so sporty. tennis, i suppose, if i have to play one, otherwise maybe football
31. HAIR COLOR? brown
32. EYE COLOR? brown
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? pretty much all of the time.
34. FAVORITE FOOD? all of them.
35. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? breakfast at tiffany's
36. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? purple. it's a my little ponies t-shirt. malin, you have one too!
37. SUMMER OR WINTER? spring and fall.
38. HUGS OR KISSES? depends on the quality of the hugs/kisses in question. i really really like good hugs though.
39. FAVORITE DESSERT? molten.
40. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? no idea
41. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? umm
42. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? the last harry potter book, jude the obscure, love in the time of cholera, and the wings of the dove
43. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? it's just plain black
44. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? i didn't watch tv last night.
45. FAVORITE SOUNDS? the ocean, music (good music, anyway), laughter
46. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? the Beatles, hands down.
47. THE FURTHEST YOU BEEN FROM HOME? germany, i think.
48. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? november 19, in brainerd.
49. IF YOU WON A ROUND TRIP TICKET TO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD YOU GO? uhhhhhhhh...i don't know. that's a big question. amsterdam? australia? prague? i don't know.
courtesy of malin:
1. FIRST NAME? tessa
2. WHO WERE YOU NAMED AFTER? no one. i have no idea where my mom came up with it.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? yesterday. for some reason i just start crying sometimes, even when i'm not upset or angry or sad.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? on good days.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? well i don't really have that strong of preferences, but i suppose turkey.
6. KIDS? hopefully someday
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF? i hope so
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? yes
9. Do YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? probably more than i ought
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? ...yes
11. WOULD YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMP? i think i'm too much a wimp
12. What is your favorite cereal? why isn't this question capitalized? and smart start. tasty without being disgustingly unhealthy. also, cinnamon toast crunch is pretty good stuff.
13. YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? i don't usually wear shoes with laces, so no.
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? in what way? physically, i've got nothing. emotionally, well, it's debatable.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? cookies and cream. or cookie dough. or peppermint bon bon.
16. SHOE SIZE? 8/8.5
17. RED OR PINK? pink. usually.
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? oh, so many things. i think a lot of it comes down to my indecision though.
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? malin. and graham.
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? not really
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW? denim capris, white flip flops
22. LAST THING YOU ATE? toast and coffee
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? augustana
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? hmm. cerulean. i always thought it was a cool word. and a good color.
25. FAVORITE SMELL? the smell after it rains and the grass has just been cut.
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? mel
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? do they make me laugh?
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? nope. i looove her.
29. FAVORITE DRINK? it changes seasonally. currently, lemonade and vodka sour (which is, essentially, lemonade for grown-ups)
30. FAVORITE SPORTS? uhhh...i'm not so sporty. tennis, i suppose, if i have to play one, otherwise maybe football
31. HAIR COLOR? brown
32. EYE COLOR? brown
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? pretty much all of the time.
34. FAVORITE FOOD? all of them.
35. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? breakfast at tiffany's
36. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? purple. it's a my little ponies t-shirt. malin, you have one too!
37. SUMMER OR WINTER? spring and fall.
38. HUGS OR KISSES? depends on the quality of the hugs/kisses in question. i really really like good hugs though.
39. FAVORITE DESSERT? molten.
40. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? no idea
41. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? umm
42. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? the last harry potter book, jude the obscure, love in the time of cholera, and the wings of the dove
43. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? it's just plain black
44. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? i didn't watch tv last night.
45. FAVORITE SOUNDS? the ocean, music (good music, anyway), laughter
46. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? the Beatles, hands down.
47. THE FURTHEST YOU BEEN FROM HOME? germany, i think.
48. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? november 19, in brainerd.
49. IF YOU WON A ROUND TRIP TICKET TO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD YOU GO? uhhhhhhhh...i don't know. that's a big question. amsterdam? australia? prague? i don't know.
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