a week!

I've been very remiss in my posting and communication lately. I tell people that this is because I am getting ready to leave the country, but that's actually a lie. I'm at a loss for packing. It both over/underwhelms me - on one hand, it seems like packing for four months is an impossibly large task that I'll never get through. Deciding even which t-shirts to take with me and to leave at home makes me feel tired, because it doesn't even really matter and yet I'm such an indecisive person that I sit there and sit there holding a t-shirt in each hand and taking about five minutes to decide on each pair of t-shirts which one I should take with me. It's brought my tragic indecision to a whole new level of absurdity. Plus I don't feel as much urgency as I ought. I've been waiting and waiting to leave the US for literally months, but I've been waiting so long that I feel as though I should just still be waiting. I've gotten so used to anticipation and have had such a shortage of reward/effect recently that I think I've grown to not expect it. The one thing I AM really anxious about is that I STILL haven't received any housing information which is making me really really uncomfortable. I think I am going to have to call them tomorrow, which I really really HATE doing. Leaving will be one of the best things for me, though, I think. I will be totally completely on my own. Even when I went to college, I had friends and family within ten minutes or so, and my parents were only a couple of hours away. But this will be different - me in another country, totally by myself. And although that's a tiny bit scary for me to consider, it is mostly really exciting.
I'm glad I'm going to be there early. I will have a few days to sort everything and explore the city and really find a few little places to make my own, perhaps. I love newness. I love finding new coffee shops, new bookstores, new random little shops filled with unexpected things. And York is such an historical city that I feel certain I will learn some interesting things just by wandering around for a couple of days. As further proof of my nerdiness, I'm also excited at the prospect of seeing the new film version of Pride and Prejudice before it's released here in the US. I love Jane Austen. As even further proof of my nerdiness, I spent about half an hour in Barnes and Noble yesterday lamenting the enormous expense of the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary and the Chicago Manual of Style, both books which I have resolved firmly to one day have in my possession.
It's a beautiful autumn day today. I sat outside for awhile this afternoon in the sunshine playing with my cats. They are such funny creatures, cats. They can be extremely affectionate but it's always on their own terms. Dogs are always begging for the sort of attention that cats frequently refuse.
I really should work on packing. I'm making a concentrated effort to avoid my room though. Clothes, books, etc. are strewn everywhere. I suppose it's time to sort the chaos.

43 things...or in my case, 17. for now.

i like this site. it's kind of fun. i actually had to really think about what i want to do and accomplish and how i want to feel, so now there's a little list for anyone to see.

my 17 things/goals/hypothetical achievements.

so that's me, i guess! oh how i love finding silly ways to pass the time. this one isn't quite as silly as many others, however, and was actually pretty fun.

nothing nothing

I am so bored that I have been seriously considering chewing off my own foot just to have something interesting to talk to people about.

Also, I finish work in five days, which will not pass soon enough, and I leave for England two weeks after that but I have a bazillion details to take care of before I can leave.

That pretty much covers it. There is nothing new, nothing exciting, and as per usual I have nothing witty or interesting to say.

I've been pretty down lately. Mostly on myself, also as per usual. I have much too much spare time for thinking and my thoughts usually choose lonely paths.

oh yeah. and i'm watching the lord of the rings. at home. at 10:35 PM. lame? yes.

on and on

I think I've said this a lot this summer, but especially now, all of my days just sort of blend into one another. There isn't any thing to particularly distinguish any of them from another except for a few differences at work. Actually we had a lot of nice guests over Labor Day weekend and only one truly cranky lady that I took note of. There was one couple in particular - they were super nice. They were at the resort last summer, too, and remembered me and knew my name and made a point to stop by and chat and stuff every day. It was so nice; I love them. It's funny how much a difference it can make. It's just nice to be treated like a person instead of an invisible but convenient little robot who exists to tend to the needs of others. Not that most people are mean or anything, not at all, they're just kind of indifferent.

It's really disconcerting for me to be at home knowing everybody else is starting classes now. I feel like I should be at school; I actually really WANT to be at school. I miss campus and classes and friends and profs. and even my cramped dorm room Manor 105. It's like for the moment everyone is so engulfed with their classes and campuses that I don't quite figure in at all right now. I can't wait to go to England. Everyone's so busy and just absorbed with other things, which is certainly to be expected. I guess I'm sort of in limbo. Everyone else has TONS to get done and they're all scurrying to it but I don't have much of anything going on. I should try to order some books, though, I suppose so I can maybe get ahead in my reading before I go abroad.

In other news, my dad is both driving me insane and causing me worry (unintentionally, of course). My family is coming to London over Christmas and I was really really excited about that, because I didn't really want to spend Christmas alone without my family. But now all my dad can do is moan about money (and trust me, things have definitely been tight at times but my family is NOT in dire straits by ANY stretch of the imagination) and talk about wanting to visit some things in Germany and how everything costs too much and how he doesn't even really want to go skiing in the Alps (which he and my brother were maybe going to do) because it's too expensive. Everything as far as he's concerned is always too expensive. I don't think he's ever at a point where he feels like he can afford anything. It just makes me sad. For one, I feel like he doesn't even want to see England, a country I absolutely love and adore and York, a town that I LOVED LOVED LOVED when I visited it and will now be living in. Couldn't he be a little bit excited to see it for my sake if nothing else? I mean, I have nothing against Germany, trust me, I loved it when I was there, but I just feel like he doesn't even want to see the place where I'll be living for months and I don't understand that. He doesn't seem to want to go at all. There's no excitement about the adventure there. And he doesn't take any joy in the idea and it's making it hard for me to be excited about my family coming over; instead I feel guilty for being the cause of so much additional expense, even though I know it's surely not going to break our budget.

Whew. Well there's one rant over and done with. I just wish he were happier, I guess. And maybe that's selfish because maybe I wish he were happier so that I could be more excited, but that's the story.

Nevertheless, I am determined to be excited about going to England in less than four weeks and I am determined to have a fabulous time. I fully intend to love every second of it. So there. Haha.

The weather is beautiful today after a few days of clouds and storms. Yeesterday it was storming like DIRECTLY over us at work and I made the foolish mistake of asking the manager if the paddleboats were far enough up on the beach not to wash away into the lake and she sent me down to check. So I'm down there, in like 25 mph winds, wearing a skirt and a poncho (which, by the way, was totally worthless in that kind of wind) tugging with all my might at these paddleboats which weigh a ton more than they should because they're full of water to try to get them further up on the beach. I must have looked absolutely ridiculous. I hope none of the guests saw. Or if they did, I guess it doesn't matter, as they'll be gone by the time I return to work on Thursday. But oh, it was funny. And then I was quite damp the whole way home and afraid my car was going to be struck by lightning. The storm was just like RIGHT overhead and it was kind of scary, but all's well that ends well, right? Oh I'm such a silly girl. I worry about too many things. In retrospect, worrying about my car getting struck by lightning is a bit overly dramatic. But it was a scary storm to drive through.

I'm so happy to have a couple of days off. There's so much I should try to get done, but I know today will be a day mostly devoted to bumming around doing not much of anything. And I'll tell myself that I'll get the work done tomorrow, but it probably won't happen then, either. Isn't that how it usually goes?

fair food & friends

So today is September first. I'm really happy about that. It means that not only am I just over a month away from boarding a plane to England, I am also only 2 1/2 weeks away from being finished working at the resort for-EVER! At least I hope so. I told Steph that if I was back there last year it was only because I'd been kidnapped and brainwashed into believing that I wouldn't die if I spent another summer in central MN.

I was in the cities for a couple of days for Oracle training and such. Malin, my little muffin pie, if you are reading this, I am so very thankful you were there. It was WEIRD. Parts of it were really good - the people from the Strib who came in were awesome and really nice and helpful, but it felt awkward to be in that office trying to work without Brian and Graham and especially without Manney. I think part of me still looks for him to shuffle through that office door in a sweater and rumpled hair. Ciara brought up the time we met with the Collective, and most of us were trying to be really diplomatic and everything, and then Manney just came out with, "Well, I guess we just suck." I suppose that's only funny to a couple of people but it made me smile. I felt better about how things are going to go this year, though. I think we connect as a group really quite well, and despite some differences and changes, I think I saw for the first time that really things will be fine. It just felt so strange for me at times I was glad to have Malin there. We always seem to wind up being together in our awkwardness.

Another fun thing that happened was that Malin and I spent our first night in our new house there at the same time. I mean, it's not really "our" house because we won't be living in it at the same time but it made me happy that we were there together. The bedroom is really really tiny but it's a nice-ish sort of place and will be quite comfortable overall, I think.

AND last but not least, I went to the state fair with Mel & Mal & Phil. Good times full of disgustingly unhealthy yet extremely tasty food. Cheese curds, a nutella crepe, a bucket of cookies....mmm. It was so nice for Mel & Mal & I to be together again! We haven't all three been together since the beginning of June and all the passed time didn't seem to make one single bit of difference. Hurrah! Plus it was cool to see Phil before he left for Russia, which he did yesterday, I believe. It was a very good night. It wasn't really exuberant or chaotic or anything, but I felt so content. Friends are of incomparable value on so many levels, especially friends with whom you can be silly and honest with at the same time.

It's a good thing, actually, that I have to keep on working. I seem to be racking up bills faster than I can pay them somehow.

I had something else to say but I can't remember anymore.