sick

Hey, y'all. For those of you who pray, if you could send a quick one my way that would rock. I am still really really sick. I can't seem to shake my fever and I cannot for the life of me stop coughing and aching...it's really not cool. Anyway I'm super tired and I need to work on my final project for my j-term class but that's taking basically all of my energy right now. I hope you all are doing well though! Have a super week.

not again!

I'm sickety-mcsick-sickerson today. I was just sick like a month ago over Christmas with the flu and now I'm fevery and achy and hacking away like a cat with a hairball. Nice idea, isn't it? I felt fine yesterday and ok this morning but over the course of the day - BANG! - some alien virus has taken over my body and made it weak and fickle. I wouldn't actually even mind that much except that it's basically too much effort to even recopy my notes for class, which I really have to do this weekend. So this is pretty much just a disctraction for myself for a minute or two to avoid attempting to do my homework, but I think I'm going to go take a nap now and then get back to it. God bless, y'all.

morning comes

Well I'm not nearly so cranky and despairing as I was last night, but I'm definitely still very bummed out about this summer. I will probably just work at the resort again; I'll ask them for a raise and I think they'll give it to me. I was a good employee - I complained to everyone else ABOUT my job, but I didn't complain at work and I was always on time and never called in sick, plus now I am already trained, so I don't think asking for a raise is too unreasonable. I'm just going to really really miss having the companionship of the friends that I've spent the last three summers with, but I guess that's just part of growing up. Growing up sucks. I'm 20 years old - 20!!! Which I know isn't particularly old, but I feel strange not being a teenager anymore. I'm techinically in the category of "young adult" and I'm not sure that's something I'm really ready for.
Last weekend when I was home, I saw "In Good Company" with Adam. It was a really good movie, but that isn't the point. The movie is partly about corporate takeovers and instability in jobs and winding up in a job you thought you wanted but hating it. What if that's what happens? I'm putting all this hope into someday going into editing/publishing in children's literature, and I either never get there or get there and wind up failing utterly? Frightening thought. I guess there's no way to know until I get there, though, right? So the best thing is just to keep praying and listening and going on ahead. I know now that I do NOT want to be a film critic, anyway. I used to think that would be such a cool, fun job, but now that all I do is watch movies and write about them, I'm totally sick of it and it's only been a couple of weeks :) so that is obviously not the place for me.
I'm really excited about being the new Opinions editor for the Oracle, though. I think that will help a ton in a lot of ways - as soon as the Oracle's up and running I'll be spending more time with the kiddies there and I will not only be less bored, I'll definitely be less lonely. I didn't realize how much I depended on working there until we stopped putting out production for J-term and now I can't wait to get back.
In the meantime, however, I have two (!!) films to watch today for class, which we aren't even supposed to HAVE today; it's a Monday-Thursday class. Yechh. Oh well. Off I go.

and so it goes...

Well, today has certainly been interesting. It's a bizarre mix of things that life has thrown my way lately. First, there are some personal issues that I don't want to get into too much. Just suffice it to say that I have feelings for a guy that I shouldn't have feelings for because the whole situation is just- it's just absurd, really, and I think I may be slightly insane. But I have also been really involved in my relationship with God lately and that has been better than it's been in weeks...months, actually, and that rocks. However, I also just found out that my summer is pretty much going to suck, since Mary, Joe, Krystle, Pete Lund, and Bernadette will almost all most likely not be around. It's going to be a very lonely summer. And the thing is, none of them need me anymore. I mean, I know they love me, and we are all of course still friends- but all of them have somehow seemed to move on with life so much better than I have and I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but all my best friends are still from high school. Maybe I just am terrible at meeting people, or maybe I'm honestly just a person that other people don't really want to get to know. All I know is that I'm lonely, and I have been for awhile, but I don't think I realized how lonely I was until I realized I was going to be home this summer without any of my best friends there and pretty much no one to hang out with. I don't think I can afford to NOT live at home this summer what with study abroad next year and all, but it's looking like a long lonely summer this year. Mary has her SPO people and Krystle will be in NYC and Joe will be in Brazil and Bernadette and Pete will probably both be working at camp...and that leaves me, pathetic and alone. And the thing is, even if I were going to stay down here it wouldn't matter because I really don't have any really good friends down here except for Brit. I have a ton of people on campus that are cool to chill with and talk to, but I haven't been able to really connect with them. As satisfying as I honestly feel like my academic education has been here, there is a severe shortage of other students who don't like to party or are religiously committed. Of course, I can be friends with people who party and who don't have deep religious convictions, but I feel like there's so much I'm not able to share with those people, which is a lot of what has been holding me back from making really good friends here at school. Aaargh. I don't know. I'm just tired, I think, and more than a little frustrated with my severe lack of social skills, and upset at the prospect of a summer alone in Staples (which I think, actually, is pretty understandable). So that's it for tonight, I'm fairly talked out for now. And so to bed.