an observation.

I am not very good at allowing myself to be happy, and to just stay in that moment of being happy. Instead, I somehow manage to look too far ahead and worry about what might happen instead of the good that is already happening.

Its hard for her to say things to people and even harder for her to trust guys, because prior to you, she had a real knack for dating assholes who couldnt even come close to deserving or appreciating her. You I do not classify in that group, because my impression upon meeting you was that youre a genuinely nice, funny, smart guy who cares very deeply about her. And she knows that, on some logical level, but on the scared, terrified, repeatedly-hurt part of her is still really afraid of how much she loves you because that makes her vulnerable to you, and in the past that hasnt worked out so well for her.

The thing about women is that many of us have a tendency to overthink things and panic. And sometimes when good things happen to us, we are petrified because we feel that we dont deserve them, and that they cant possibly last, because there is no way we can deserve something so good in our life. Because so much that was wrong has come before, we can't accept that something completely right will ever actually come along. So we hurt the other person to hurt ourselves, and we hate that we do it, and it hurts us, but not as much as if we allowed ourselves to be hurt first. And so knowing how much she wants to be with you and how much she loves you frightens her, so she sometimes flips out and says and does things she knows, really, she doesn't want to.