details.

I'm amazed at how quickly things can happen, and how even when they happen at rapid speed, sometimes you're so much in the situation that everything seems to be going in slow motion.
Three days ago everything was going along perfectly normally, and now tomorrow morning I'm getting on a train so that I can get on a plane to go home. I will not deny, however, that I'm incredibly grateful that I can go home and be with my dad and my grandma. And obviously my mom, who is one of my best friends, and the rest of my family, but with the death of my grandfather my biggest concern right now is Dad and Grandma.
It's so strange the way life always always manages to catch us off-guard. It's strange, too, that I'd been so incredibly concerned about my grandmother's health when this happen. I don't know why that's so strange, actually, but it does seem odd.
I'm so grateful for some of the people in my life. I have the most supportive friends in the world. They really astound me with their generosity and concern and consideration. I'm too lucky and I don't deserve them, but oh how glad I am to have them. I feel like almost for the first time in my life I have friends I'm certain of. I don't worry so much about them getting tired of me or moving on to greener pastures in terms of friends or that they secretly dislike me...I'm not sure whether that has more to do with me or them, but either way I'm glad to feel secure in my friendships for the first time in a long time.
I'm also struck by how, in the midst of the chaos and madness of the last couple of days, I seem to have found the calm in the storm. I feel like my faith has been so much re-energized and I feel somehow sure that the irritating details of this week are going to smooth themselves out, because so far that's been the case. Every worry I've had about making it home has been somehow taken care of, down to the bizarre coincidence of my brother and I deciding to fly in and out on the same days, within an hour of one another, without having talked to each other about it at all. And Adam offering to drive us home. And Malin also offering to drive us home. And I still have a lot of struggling to do with a lot of different things right now - it's not like everything is suddenly a-okay. But I feel like maybe it will be, and I haven't felt that in a very long while.
So in less than 12 hours, I'll be starting the trip home. I'm glad I'm able to get there. I'm still not quite sure where the money is all coming from or how any of that is going to work itself out, but I'm just going to trust that it will. Because I kind of have to.