life is kind of sweet.

This week was crazy busy. I was out every night except Wednesday, which means I got very very little sleep but had quite a bit of fun. I was out until bar close on Monday, at 2-4-1s Tuesday, saw the Lawrence Arms Thursday, had dinner and drinks with my roommate and a friend on Friday followed by a couple of parties, and then spent half of Saturday at a show followed by Graham's welcome home party for a bit. Jeepers.

Clearly, I spent absurd amounts of money on alcohol this week. Not that I ever got out of control or anything, not even really close, but when you go out every night for a week, and you're a socially inept person, and you want to feel more comfortable, it helps to have a drink in your hand and going through your system.

I hate being totally broke. I have almost no money, and this wedding that I'm in, which is in less than two weeks, is taking up a lot more of my time, energy, and money than I had originally anticipated. I have to drive to St. Cloud on Wednesday to try on my dress and see if it needs to be altered at all, and get my hair done, and so on and so forth. Not that I'm complaining - I love Ashley and am glad that she asked me to be a part of this day for her, it's just a little draining. Also I do not want to go to the wedding alone. As indicated by my last post, being dateless will likely be equivalent to being a life failure. Plus it would just be really nice to be there with someone and have someone to talk to and dance with, etc. etc.

Which brings me to something else that I am not sure I want to discuss. Let's just say that lately, I've been really happy. Maybe the happiest I've been in years except for the pain of having the two people who know me best in all the world live hours and hours away. Things in my life just seem to be settling into a really good place right now. I'm less judgemental of myself, more satisfied with my life, healthier, and something that I thought wasn't going to happen has started to.

I feel strange that while the world is going to hell in a handbasket I am more personally fulfilled than I have been in ages. I wonder sometimes if I shouldn't feel guiltier about that, but then I think that if the world is so unhappy in so many places, full of so much sadness and weariness and death, then perhaps any joy anywhere in the world is a small sort of miracle and should be treasured as such so long as I am not blissfully ignorant and am still aware of what else is happening in the world and I work to try to make it better. The more I think about doing Americorps for a year after graduation the more I like the idea. It would be good in so many ways, for me personally and hopefully for the people I would be working with. I haven't made up my mind yet, not by a long shot, but I keep considering it.

I love summer. It will be a wrench heading back into the school year this fall, although that will be pretty enjoyable, too, in its own way. I'll just be so much busier with a much fuller schedule. I really like all the freedom and flexibility I have right now. I suppose I had better enjoy it while I can, which is exactly what I intend to do.