life is good.

Lately people have been trying to convince me that I am probably a good creative writer, to which I can only answer "please." I never quite get the phrasing right, and I don't have very good ideas. Hence my desire to enter into publishing. They say those who can't do, teach. Well, those who can't write, edit. At least in my case. Some editors, I suppose, are excellent writers but I am not. Better than some, probably, but I came to the realization a very long time ago that any creative ambitions I had were going to have to find a channel other than writing because it just never comes out right. It ends up flat and stale and pallid.

I've got one semester left of college. One. That's it! It seems somehow monstrously unfair that just when I'm feeling incredibly happy and comfortable on campus that I have to graduate in a few months, but I suppose that means I'll just have to make the most of whatever comes. Which is something I've been getting better at doing, by the way. The last few weeks there were lots of nights I probably should've stayed in and chose to go out instead. But the thing is, no matter how much I love spending time with these kids and how good of friends we are, I probably won't see most of them again after a few months, which is a terrifying thought. That's why I'm spending New Year's in Midway. Mel wanted to go out to the T-Rock, and part of me of course wants to go to the killer free show they are having - but this section of St. Paul just tugs at my heartstrings, to borrow someone else's tired cliche, and I feel like I should stay here. There are, of course, other incentives, but that's a big part of it. It's also nice to be able to stumble home when necessary and not worry about how to get to/from places.

Home for Christmas tomorrow. Strange, how much I used to love love love! going home over break and now I feel like eight days will be far too long. I love my family, and I love my hometown, but I grew out of being the girl who grew up there and I have so little in common anymore with even most of my best friends from high school that I always feel just slightly an intruder in the town that raised me. Also, it will be strange to have Christmas without both of my grandparents. I miss them, especially my grandma. She loved Christmas so much. Loved to see her family come home and gather around her and be together. It'll be strange not having to cook and pack an entire Christmas dinner to take over to the nursing home, and as much of a pain as trying to transport all those cookies and turkey and potatoes and break could be, I'm going to miss even doing that. Most of all I'll miss her though. There will never be another person in the world, I think, who loves me so selflessly as she did - her face just lit up every time I came to visit, and I didn't even do that as often as I should.

Life in general right now is awfully good though. No stress, no worries. New friends. Good parties, good wine, good company. This is the life I plan to maintain over J-term and the spring semester, minus some of the good wine sometimes. Saw the ex the other night and I didn't even care, which was a good feeling. I'm a lucky girl.