just because i can.

Life as I know it is pretty good right now. I really can't complain. Due to a variety of factors and a combination of circumstances, I am perhaps the happiest I have been in years (except for when I think about Mel moving away, which makes me want to cry so I mostly try not to think about it). I still worry a lot but at least I don't feel like I have to worry so much about myself anymore, because I'm doing really well.

It's summer, and I'm in St. Paul (which is beautiful), while I get paid to read (which is perfect for a supernerd like me), I have amazing friends, I have the time, energy, and money to go out fairly frequently, and I live with two of the loveliest girls I know (or at least I will when Malin gets back from Sweden). And really, there's nothing bad going on. There are problems, but no major crises at this time. I am a lucky, lucky, lucky girl. Knock on wood.

I bought this laptop that I'm typing on last week. It's a far, far cry from the macbook pro that I dream about someday owning, but in the meantime, it's a nice little machine that helps me get research done and enables me to get a lot of work done outside of libraries and off-campus, which I am a huge fan of. We don't have internet at our house, so the ability to pack up my work and take it to various places with me is a huge bonus right now.

I'm going home this weekend. It is still really strange for me to think that I'll never be living in that house again. Packing up my bedroom was such a strange experience last time I was there. I felt as though I was packing up my childhood, tissue-wrapping some of the most fragile parts of my earlier life and throwing less delicate memories into a box in a corner to gather dust until someday, years from now, I blow the dust off the lids to look back at the life I once led. I am a terrible pack rat. I've boxes and boxes of things that I'll never use again, books I know I'll never read ever again, cds that I'm embarassed to admit I own, photos I don't want my friends of today to ever have exposed to them - but I can't bring myself to get rid of any of it. So it will remain, tucked away in my parents' basement, until they move or I pluck up the will to discard the weight of that past.

It will be nice to be home for Father's Day. My dad has had such a rough year; I'm really glad I'll be able to be home to see him. I have a couple of small gifts for him and then my mom and I will be taking him out to brunch on Sunday at the resort I spent the last two summers working at. The brunch there is AMAZING. There are like fifty menu items every week and it's all delicious. Working there is a part of my life I'm glad enough to be through with but happy to be able to look back on. When I called today to make reservations for brunch everyone in the office sounded so truly happy to hear from me, and my manager said she really missed me and wished she had another worker like me this summer. It's nice to hear those kinds of things, to know that the hours and efforts I put in didn't go unnoticed.

I think that's where I'll end this tonight. I'm feeling a hint of wistful nostalgia now, but I am buoyed by the warm goodness of my life right now.