i don't like being cranky...

...but then, sometimes I just can't help it. This hasn't been a very good weekend for me, for a couple reasons. I've stopped sleeping again. Insomnia seems to be a random recurring thing for me now, so I'm tired, which contributes to my crankiness. It's not an excuse, but it doesn't help. I got kind of hit by a lot of emotional stuff this weekend. There's no point going into it, I just sort of clobbered myself over the head with my own slowness to understand things.

Something equally creepy and funny happened today. My mom and I decided to go bum around St. Cloud, so we just did some random shopping and such. Then we went to Barnes and Noble, where we can generally spend hours. I was looking forward to a long lazy time of wandering through aisles of books (yeah yeah, I'm a nerd) and I started picking up a few books here and there that I wanted to buy, when this random guy starts talking to me, asking me where I got my shoes. I was wearing beaded slipper-type shoes, and this guy is apparently from India originally, so I didn't see anything wrong with his asking me about my shoes, so I told him where I got them, etc. etc. Well, it doesn't end there, oh no. This guy - who, by the way, was like 35 - kept following me all around the store trying to converse with me, asking me what my name was and where I was from and how old I was and if I was in college, and he even gave me his business card and stuff. Everywhere I went, he came out from behind a bookshelf. So finally I was running around the store, dodging him, avoiding him, while desperately trying to find my mom so that we could leave because I was starting to get genuinely creeped out. So I find her, we start dodging our way around the store together, and we hurry through the checkout line and exit the store. The guy is standing outside, waiting, and he wants to shake my hand and tells me how nice it was to meet me and how much he enjoyed talking with me.....it was the most bizarre thing ever. I was like, "AhhhH! Get away from me!!" Story of my life. I finally get hit on and it's by a crazy middle-aged man. Once my mom and I left, we went to get coffee at Panera and it was a lot more humorous of a situation once I was removed from it. We started inventing a fake life for me to use in case something similar happens in the future. I'm so dumb I didn't ever know what to say. I don't have good responses and I, for some reason, kept trying to be super super polite to this person of questionable motives, like I was afraid of somehow offending him, even though he was making me want to sprint for the exit.

On the bright side, Best Buy (much to my shock and amazement) actually carried the cds I was looking for so I am now the proud owner of Copeland, Emery, and Forever Changed cds. I made my mom physically remove the Eisley cd from my hands and put it back because even though I want it super bad, I went for the new AAR cd instead, which is better than I expected so far. Music is going to bankrupt me soon. But I don't think there's a better way to go.

I saw movies with Krystle the other night, too, which was fun. I don't see her nearly enough anymore. "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" is the trippiest movie I've seen in forever. If I wasn't familiar with other work of Tim Burton's, I am pretty sure I would have assumed that the director was on crack. It was a very very interesting adaptation.

We also stopped at my uncle/godfather's house on the way home. It was really nice to see him and my aunt; I haven't seen them since Easter and they only live about 20 minutes away, which is just silly. It was a beautiful afternoon and spending a good hour or so of it out in the air under the trees at their farm was just peachy. It isn't really a farm anymore, they've sold all their cows and stuff, but it's still the farm to me. Family is a wonderful thing.

On that note, I'm going to go. I'm feeling less cranky now. I guess actually cranky and crabby weren't really the right words to begin with. Maybe unsettled and sad would be better. I'm currently reading C.S. Lewis' "A Grief Observed.". It is a wonderfully written missive, so well written that it makes me hurt. Every sentence seems perfectly, poignantly phrased and the writing is gorgeous, although so filled with sorrow that it doesn't do much to lift me from my unsettled state.

But tomorrow is another day.